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5 Tips for Making a Long Distance Relationship Work

I should probably start this off with a disclaimer; I am by no means a relationship expert. I’ve only ever been with one guy in my 23 years. And when I say ‘been with’ I mean he is the only guy I have even held hands with let alone anything more intimate! However, we have been together for 3 and a half years now and approximately 50% of this time has been long distance while I was away at university. So, while I may not have the expertise to advise on all the different kinds of relationships generally, I feel like I have something to offer on this particular subject.

1. Be optimistic

I had so many conversations at university with friends who were wary of starting long distance relationship because they were sure there was no chance it would last. Well of course it won’t last if you go in with that attitude!! I’m not going to promise that every long distance relationship works because that’s not true but I can promise that it won’t last if you don’t even try.

You wouldn’t go into a normal relationship just trying to see how long you can make it last but knowing that it’s bound to fail sooner or later. So why would you go into a long distance relationship like that? Having a positive, optimistic outlook is all the more important in long distance relationships where keeping things going is just that little bit harder.

2. Have a finish line

I think one of the biggest reasons me and my boyfriend have made it last is that we knew when the long distance part was going to end. My boyfriend and I only met each other a month before I went to university. Even though I was going to be studying away from home for the next three years we knew that we would have every holiday together and at the end of it all I would be coming back home permanently.

What I’m saying is, we had an endpoint in sight. Yeah, three years is a long time but we knew that being long distance wasn’t a forever thing. If you don’t know when you and your partner will stop being long distance, then I would definitely say that you should have temporary finish lines at least. Whenever you leave each other, make sure you know when you’re next going to be together so you have something to look forward to.

3. Don’t overfill your time together

If you’ve only got a short amount of time together before going your separate ways again, make sure that time is spent well. I sometimes came home for a weekend and I would be rushing around, seeing all my family and friends, meaning that we wouldn’t have much quality time for just us two. When that happened, it felt like we hadn’t really seen each other and made the wait for our next weekend feel even longer! So, my advice is to have some quiet time together, without anyone else interrupting, and just be together.

4. Trust each other to have lives

You can’t ask someone to put their life on hold just because you’re not there. Likewise, you can’t put your life on hold because someone isn’t with you. You will both be invited out with friends at one point or another. One of you might have a quiet night in while the other is going round town with mates and it can be so easy to feel insecure. Maybe photos go up on Facebook the next day and s/he’s got their arm around someone else? You just have to remember that you’re the one they are making a commitment to. And let me just say, a long distance relationship is a big commitment! It could be so easy to end it all but they are choosing to be with you. So let your partner have fun without you every now and then.

5. Communicate regularly

This is an obvious one really but it is so, so important! Text each other throughout the day and make time for a long phone call or a skype every couple of evenings (or as frequently as you can). Technology is a wonderful thing and we are so lucky for it because I honestly don’t know how people coped in my parent’s generation. We have the ability to talk to people across the miles so make use of it!

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship and have a tip that I’ve missed? Comment below! Also, I may not be a relationship expert but if you’ve got any other issues you want advice on, let me know and I’ll give it my best shot!

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